Pay For Your Past Bills

When bills are dueA customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”

Owing you money funny facebookThe next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”

 

 

Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/office-jokes/pay-for-your-past-bills/

A Young Boy and a Barber

barber-cartoon-blueA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

Boy and icecream“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

 

 

 

Source – http://www.ajokeaday.com/joke/puns/a-young-boy-enters-a-barber-shop-639k7ffzyi

What Not to Say in an Interview

Short term goalA guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?”
The man says “I’m probably too honest.”
The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.”
The man replies, “I don’t give a sh*t what you think!”

 

Source – http://www.jokes-best.com/work-office-jokes.php

Chair ‘Man’ of the Board

Hastily yoursResolving to surprise her husband, an executive’s wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, “…and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.”

Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/office-jokes/chair-man-of-the-board/

Million Dollars

Walk in forestA man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen. So he asked, “God, are you listening?”

And God replied, “Yes my son, I am here.”

The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards the sky and said, “God, what is a million years to you?”

God replied, “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you.”

So the man continued to walk and to ponder… walk and ponder… Then he looked to the sky again and said, “God, what is a million dollars to you?”

And God replied, “My son, my son…a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little.”

The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, “God, can I have a million dollars?”

And God replied, “In a second.”

 

Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/category/funny-jokes/page/3/

Oldest Profession

Dr Engineer LawyerA doctor, an engineer and a lawyer were discussing which of them belonged to the oldest of the three professions they represented.

The doctor said, “On the sixth day, God took a rib from Adam and created Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession.”

The engineer replied, “Ah, but before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, thus making Him the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine.”
Lawyer A“Yes,” the lawyer said, “but just who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?”

 

 

 

Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/category/funny-jokes/page/3/

Out of T.P.

betty-boopA good looking lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, “He isn’t here but I can do anything the manager can do for you.”

By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth. She says, “You’re sure he isn’t here?”

The bartender says, “Yes, I’m very sure.”

The lady says, “Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”

Yuck

Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/category/funny-jokes/

Smart Lawyer, Smarter Cop

Lawyer 5A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?” The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.” “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
Lawyer 1

Source – http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes

Employee Motivation

Fractured motivationThe owner of a company tells his employees:

“You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I ‘m giving everyone a check for $5,000.”

Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.

“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those checks!”

 

Source – http://albertaventure.com/2013/11/office-approved-jokes/

Boss and Employee on Salary Increment

Salary increase 1One day an employee sends a letter to his boss to increase his salary!!!

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.
I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re $ pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh
———— ——— ——— ——— ——-
Salary increase 2The next day, the employee received this letter:

Dear NOrman,
I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.
NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.
Yours truly,
Manager

 

Source – http://www.managementparadise.com/forums/laughter-accelerated-just-chill/69142-hr-jokes.html