A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.”
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We can’t wait that long.”
Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/office-jokes/pay-for-your-past-bills/
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Source – http://www.ajokeaday.com/joke/puns/a-young-boy-enters-a-barber-shop-639k7ffzyi
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. He thinks he’s smarter being a big shot lawyer from New York and has a better education than an sheriff from West Virginia. The sheriff asks for license and registration. The lawyer asks, “What for?” The sheriff responds, “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” The lawyer says, “I slowed down and no one was coming.” “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration please,” say the sheriff impatiently. The lawyer says, “If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I’ll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don’t give me the ticket.” The sheriff says, “That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle.” The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it. The sheriff says, “Do you want me to stop or just slow down?”
Source – http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/office-jokes
Father Christmas was not in a very good frame of mind – in fact he was very depressed and irritable.
That morning, after breakfast, Mrs Clause had told him that her Mother was coming over to stay, ‘for a few days’ and he knew that would be for several weeks, and as Christmas was approaching her visit was the last thing that he wanted.
The Elves had been playing up and had gone on strike for more pay. The replacement trainee elves Santa had put in, were much slower and the number of toys that had been made was way down. More stress for Santa.
When Father Christmas went to visit his Reindeers, he found that two of them were pregnant and another two had kicked down the fence and had disappeared into the forest. He was, by now even more depressed and even more stressed. Could it get worse?
What I need is a stiff drink, he thought, but upon going indoors he found that the elves had hidden his Whisky and there was nothing left to drink in his liquour cabinet. Deciding upon a coffee he went into the kitchen but managed to drop the Jar of Coffee all over the floor, scattering glass and coffee everywhere. Now he was seriously cheesed off!
He went to fetch the broom to sweep up the mess but found that the mice had chewed off all the bristles. At that moment there was a knock at the front door.
Upon opening it, Father Christmas was confronted by a beautiful Fairy holding a lovely Christmas Tree. “Good Morning, Santa” she called “Isn’t it a really lovely day. I have bought you this beautiful tree, isn’t it lovely? Where would you like me to stick it?”
And that is why, by tradition we have a Fairy sitting on top of our Christmas Trees.