A Young Boy and a Barber

barber-cartoon-blueA young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

Boy and icecream“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

 

 

 

Source – http://www.ajokeaday.com/joke/puns/a-young-boy-enters-a-barber-shop-639k7ffzyi

Out of T.P.

betty-boopA good looking lady in a bar walks up to the counter and motions the bartender over. She starts to run her fingers through his hair and asks to speak to the manager. The bartender says, “He isn’t here but I can do anything the manager can do for you.”

By this time the lady is running her fingers down his face and into his mouth. She says, “You’re sure he isn’t here?”

The bartender says, “Yes, I’m very sure.”

The lady says, “Well, I just wanted to tell him there’s no toilet paper or soap in the women’s restroom.”

Yuck

Source – http://www.anyjokes.net/category/funny-jokes/

Executioner, the Axe and the Safety Officer

downloadOnce upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and a safety officer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to death on the same day.

The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, “Head up or head down?” “Head up,” said the doctor.

“Blindfold or no blindfold?”

“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade – and stopped barely an inch above the doctor’s neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free.

Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. “Head up or head down?” said the executioner. “Head up,” said the chemist.

“Blindfold or no blindfold?”

“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade – and stopped an inch above the chemist’s neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn’t succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the chemist was set free.

Finally the safety officer was led up to the guillotine. “Head up or head down?” asked the executioner. “Head up.”

“Blindfold or no blindfold?”

“No blindfold.”

So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the safety officer yelled out, “WAIT! I see what the problem is!”

 

Source – http://www.hcamag.com/the-lighter-side/hr-humour-executioner-the-axe-and-the-safety-officer-141444.aspx